Lucky

I am reflecting today on my behavior, recent occurrences, friends, child, marital situation, etc. etc. and I finally just decided to stop reflecting and realize how lucky I am. Reflecting can be good and it can help you grow but sometimes you can also get caught up in a whirlwind of why’s, why nots, and how comes. Life is way too short for that and so I will just realize I’m a very lucky girl. Sure I’ve had my trials, tribulations, heartbreaks, traumas, health issues and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH, but despite them all I’m really proud of what I’ve done with my life and who I am becoming. I think I’ve built a good life for myself and I have some amazing people surrounding me with all their flaws and mine. Life is not perfect and it’s not meant to be so enjoy the good days and make the bad ones better because I guarantee you that your life is infinitely better than some other peoples’! We ALL have our own STUFF so just feel LUCKY!

Nutmeg

Saffron

Work Ethic, What’s That?

I have been reflecting on work ethic quite a lot recently, both my own and others. My daughter asks me quite frequently why I work so late and travel so much. My answer to her is always that I would like to ensure she has a very secure future and that I am trying to build a strong company that can provide others with secure futures. While my childhood was crazy and dysfunctional I would be delusional if I said it didn’t have a positive side to it. Thankfully my journey over the years has helped me see that there were actually quite a few positives to my painful messy past. I saw my parents work hard to fulfill a dream, and I believe I learned from their mistakes to do the same but in a healthier way. My parents worked hard, that is for certain. There wasn’t anything they weren’t willing to do. While I have assistants and others that help me get things done, it’s out of necessity due to the shear volume of work, not laziness or entitlement. I think it’s hard for some to see just how hard I do work and what all I do. I juggle a lot in my life and I try to make sure I’m still present for Grace. It’s not easy, but it is a choice I make. You see, I don’t believe in just working hard to benefit myself, I believe in working hard to provide for others. In a way my employees futures are partially my responsibility in that what I do with the company affects them both directly and indirectly. I’m painfully aware that almost every decision I make as the acting CEO, or whatever I am, has a domino  effect, well beyond the walls of the company. I spend a lot of hours thinking through decisions I make, in the shower, in bed, on the plane, in the doctors office, on the way to work… wherever I am I am thinking, strategizing, working. I live and breathe my job, because it’s much more than a job. I’m building futures, and I’m trying to build a company my employees are proud of and part of. See, to me it’s more than what we sell or make. To me I’m feeding families, paying for homes, sending kids to college, making a positive impact on someones life… to me it’s much much more. I don’t think you have to be a policeman, politician, or activist to change the world and make an impact. I think you can do it no matter who you are or what you do.  I realize that I have the power to do things that have a positive domino effect on thousands of people, and sadly a negative one as well. I want people to work for me that have a passion for life, know what they want and go after it with zealousness, but it’s hard to find and I realize that more and more every day. I’m dying to give someone a place where they can flourish, but it’s amazing how few people there are out there that know what they want and are willing to work for it. Maybe us hard workers are a dying breed, but I sure hope not!

I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

~Thomas Jefferson

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

~Thomas Edison

He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying.

~Friedrich Nietzsche

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

~Will Rogers

Be not afraid of going slowly; be afraid only of standing still.

~Chinese Proverb

Goodbye and Good Riddance to 2011

Adios, aabar dekha hobey, goodbye, so long, ciao, aloha, auf wiedersehen, au revoir, ha det bra, tot ziens, viszontlátásra, bless, do widzenia, güle güle , zayt gezunt, arrivederci 2011! 

Hello, welcome, good to see you, hallo, aloha, guten tag, salve, selamat petang, bon jorn, buenos días, tashi delek, kia bo, shalom, bonsoir, yadra, bienvenue, willkommen, bienvenido 2012! 

2011 was a pretty rough year for a lot of people in my life, it came with health issues, wealth issues and general frustrations. So, I say to it “GOODBYE” in many languages, and I welcome 2012. I firmly believe a lot of good things will come in 2012! Life is certainly not perfect and every year will certainly have it’s ups and downs, that is just life. I think the true lesson and message here is to learn to make the best of both the ups and the downs as they will always come.  Mark Sanborn is an author of leadership books and a recent newsletter/email of his really said it well.

Amazingly Accurate Predictions for 2012This is the time of year when many make predictions about the future. I’ve been thinking about what is ahead for all of us and am confident in predicting these things for the coming year:

Amazement.

Challenges.

Happiness.

Shock.

Blessings.

Set backs.

Victories.

Disappointment.

Joy.

Suffering.

What I can’t accurately predict is when these things will happen nor the amount of each we will experience.

This is the stuff of life regardless of where we live or what we do. It is all part of the human condition yet we often act surprised when we have these experiences.

When we are enjoying victory it is difficult to remember the times of defeat. When we are suffering, joy seems elusive. Yet we have all experience these things in varying proportion.
Sometimes the tough times seem unduly prolonged and yet we never think that the good times go on too long.
We choose each day what we focus on, emphasize, remember and learn. We choose what we do and how we respond to what happens. These are critically important choices and the freedom we have in a world where forces beyond our control often affect us in dramatic ways.

At the end of the year we give others our good wishes. One of the best wishes any of us can extend is that of good choices. Circumstances and others can influence those choices, but ultimately they are up to us.
So at the end of 2011 I wish for you the very best choices for the coming year.

I also think the Buddhist faith tries to show you the way to true happiness and encourages you to embrace suffering and “bad times.” So, in 2012 what I really hope for is that I learn to deal with the negative in a more positive way. I will learn to keep calm, meditate more and control my reactions to things. I’m a blessed and fortunate person! I have a roof over my head, awesome car, loving daughter, supportive parents, the best father for my child I could hope for, career, amazing friends who understand me, great neighbors, and after many many surgeries this year I’m pain free and healthier.

I commit myself to helping myself make 2012 better, as it’s in my control!

May I always remember my values:

• Serenity
• Health
• Stability
• Passion
• Respect
• Unity
• Integrity

Happy New Year Friends, I wish you all a serene 2012!

Mall Buddhist?

Someone said over the holidays “she is more like a mall Buddhist,” which I have reflected upon since then. Why you ask? Well, it’s not that it matters what other people think but it does matter what I think. I chose to reflect on the comment and ask myself what was really being said, and what I myself thought. One can take things as judgement or one can ask themselves if they are honestly projecting who they are on the inside. This is something Wayne Dyer discusses in his books. So what is mall Buddhism and am I subscribing to this religion. Well, I can tell you I do much more than just wear the t-shirt, though I may not discuss it with others. For me my journey into Buddhism has been a private one and one I have taken my time with. For the longest time I didn’t even claim it as a religion and I’m not even sure how I feel about doing so now. I’ve always kind of felt it is more a philosophy than a religion. Religion has always been a funny thing for me especially since I felt Catholicism was pushed on me as kid until I drowned in it, while at the same time it seemed superficial and meaningless. Maybe my words are making sense but hydrocodone and recovery from surgery can have that effect. For me Buddhism has been a transformational journey and jumping point, something I was always interested in but felt judged for being curious about. So, maybe I do take some offense to the “mall Buddhist” comment. Do I follow rituals? No. Do I know everything there is to know? No. Do I go to a temple? No. Do most “Christians” do most of these things? No!

Here is what I do know, and something I stumbled upon online:

One is a Buddhist if he or she accepts the following four truths:

All compounded things are impermanent.
All emotions are pain.
All things have no inherent existence.
Nirvana is beyond concepts.

I try to remind myself of these daily. I learn more daily. I believe in what the Dalai Lama says “My religion is Kindness.” So am I a textbook Buddhist? No. I do however read a lot, learn as much as I have time for, follow the fundamentals, and look up to the Dalai Lama more than any other leader. I have listened to a lot of audio books written by him, watched documentaries on him, and find him to be incredibly wise. Life is simple, and the fundamentals of Buddhism even simpler, and I’ve learned that through his words. You don’t need to follow complicated rituals or attend a temple to follow the fundamentals of Buddhism. In fact I think my journey into Buddhism has already made me a calmer, happier and more loving individual, even though I am self admittedly still flawed. I am after all HUMAN. I think it’s hard when people have known the old you and only see the new you from a distance.

My Grinchy Heart is Glowing!

I’m going to try very hard to type this out without crying but I’m not holding out much hope. I mentioned in my first blog how much my friend Elizabeth means to me and how she helped to further the process of change I was going through, but I realize more and more just what she’s doing to my life. I think we often forget we are all the same, sure we all have our unique personalities, but we’re all here to experience the fundamentals of life. We forgot to be compassionate to one another and remember that we really aren’t different. Be born, experience life, die! Does it get any simpler than that? So where am I going with this? Well, sometimes you get surprised and people DO remember this. Elizabeth is someone who has become incredibly close to me and thus very important and it seems everyone in my life sees that. People that know me or are close to me are reaching out to her just because they know how important she is to Grace and I or just because they’re GOOD PEOPLE! You don’t see that as often these days, people willing to do for others just because it’s the right thing to do. Compassion!

Life is amazing me more and more. All the strands of my life are weaving together, lessons are everywhere. My faith in humanity is strengthening, my heart is glowing again. I feel love all around me, something I had given up on years ago after Tim and I fell apart. So, thank you everyone, thank you cancer. There is good in everything. I know y’all may think that’s a strange statement, but tough times really do show people’s true colors. So, yes, thank you cancer! I said it last year when my mom was sick too. Be grateful for everything!

Domesticity

So I joke a lot about my lack of domesticity, but honestly I have the skills, I just chose not to use them. I don’t think I’m too good to cook, clean etc. I just would rather spend my time doing other things. I can cook and in fact when I really spend time doing it I’m a great cook. Considering what I do for a living I better know at least the basics. I know great food, and great food takes a lot of time to prepare and cook. Time is something I don’t have a lot of and when I do have it I’d rather be spending it relaxing because my life is chocked full of stress. So, I’m happy to know people that love to cook and are good at it and I’m glad I love dining out. Sadly sometimes I get tortured with culinary travesties like our trip to Cracker Barrel today. My taste buds are STILL crying.

In short, I can be Martha Stewart when I want to, I just don’t want to.

Magical Mess

Life is indeed a magical mess. It’s hard to navigate, especially with children. Children add such a different dimension to life. It’s something that in essence you have to “deal with.” I know that sounds horrible but it’s true. They are messy little creatures in more sense than one. They make dinner much much more complex than it was before. Messes, clanking, noise, food choices, tactics on keeping them quiet and so on. So how does one adjust? Slowly, and continuously. It does not in fact happen when they are born. I am still adjusting.

New York, New York

New York is a special place for me. It’s a place I dreamed of as a kid. It’s a place where I can explore and think. To me New York exemplifies self expression, independence, freedom, adversity and diversity.

Imagine waking up to the Statue of Liberty outside of your window in the morning. A monumental reminder of all those who sought freedom. Imagine how you would feel and what you would think. For me it was a timely view. Waking up to this the night after blogging about my current journeys was perfectly fitting.

Grace and I got up, got ready and were ready to venture out when I got a call from someone I was to meet with for work on this trip. One of the owners of the company passed away last night. Again I was reminded to live life to its fullest. Life is short and precious.

Grace and I now get to spend the entirety of this trip being mom and daughter. Exhausting, yes, but very rewarding. It’s been priceless seeing her enjoy such a large city without fear. I shall continue to work on my patience.

So much has happened already on this trip. NYC is amazing place! Buying hats from street vendors, a carriage ride in Central Park, FAO Shwarz, Indian food, near death cab rides, scantily clad women, food from a cart, the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center (an experience NEVER to be repeated)… it’s all so NEW YORK. I’m so happy I brought Grace along to see all of this at such a young age. I hope she learns to accept people for who they are and life for what it is. Life is random and so sometimes you have to be too.